Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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