just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
