he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My vagina just clenched in fear
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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