Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
