I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
