she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize