I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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