Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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