I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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