We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
