She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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