just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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