im holly from the hills drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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