In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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