She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
