discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
