I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
two words: eviction party
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
