Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Small penises have feelings too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
