she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
