dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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