Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
