upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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