Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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