he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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