The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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