My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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