I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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