why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
