it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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