She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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