i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
