I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
