just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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