I must be too annoying 4 u.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
