He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize