And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
