I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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