Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
