He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
