Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
did you just send me my own nude
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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