Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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