First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
