My room smells like vodka and shame
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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