I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
