the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
