i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
