I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
