Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
