my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize