i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize