her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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