I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
