I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
