i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
