It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
