This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ruined the universe
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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