So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize