Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
