drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
