'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
