this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
