my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize