I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
