Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it's great music for shaving your balls
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
