I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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