Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
