I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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